You've got a lot of anger and a lot of hate, friend. It blinds you. I can understand how the abuses you have suffered can lead to the sorry state you're in. For now, reasonable people just have to write you off the way we write off the disciples of Mr. Trump, who are also traumatized by social conditions. With time, you'll likely mature and lose some of that anger. If not, you'll die an ugly, bitter old man furious at the world.